you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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