He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
