Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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