I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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