Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
