This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
