Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
