No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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