You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
