Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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