i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
