theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
