He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
