Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
