sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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