I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
