Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
