i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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