Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
