you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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