I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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