we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
