he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
