All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
