Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
