I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
