I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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