I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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