just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
