tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
