Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
