Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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