I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
