i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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