One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
