I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
