I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
