How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
