please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
