Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
