Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
