you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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