I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
