If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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