I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
