dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
