My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
