i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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