Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
