So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i believe in u and ur pee
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize