this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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