Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
