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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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