margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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