We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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