turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
