Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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