Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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