Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
