How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
