Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
