i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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