1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
