He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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