How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
