i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
