Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
