I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
